By Linda Arnold EBS CONTRIBUTOR
Just on the off chance your
holidays are not totally Norman Rockwell-esque, take a look at the following
checklist.
Right now I’m feeling: Jolly,
Frenzied, Sad, Lonely, Overwhelmed, All of the above.
As a result, I’ve been:
Kicking into overdrive, Giving up sleep during December, Beating myself up for
not getting everything done, Unleashing my stress on others, Hitting the eggnog
more heavily.
Now that you have a reality check, consider a few of these tips, gleaned from my professional experience, as well as the Mayo Clinic and Psych Central mental health network.
Pushing Your Own Buttons
Write out a plan of action to
cope with any negative triggers that may come up. Family systems tend to repeat
behaviors. Rather than allowing someone to push your buttons, think of ways to
defuse the situation. Change the subject; stick with your boundaries. And
resist the urge to push the buttons of others.
Changing the Patterns
Sometimes we get so ingrained
it’s hard to see any way out. Just the anticipation of coming events throws us
into a tailspin. If you truly want to change patterns about holiday meal
preparations and cleanup sessions, start now to make alternative suggestions.
Rotate the cleanup crews, for example, to ease resentment.
Making Your Own Decisions
Sometimes it’s easier to go
through the motions to keep the peace. If this is wearing thin on your sanity,
though, consider opting out of certain activities. Just because “it’s always
been done this way,” doesn’t mean it has to continue.
It may not be as hard as you
think. Here are a few of my favorite phrases to try out:
“That just won’t work for me
this year.” You’d be amazed how powerful this one sentence can be. Often, we
tend to over-explain.
“Here’s an option I’d like to
try this year.”
“Let’s look at a different
schedule.”
Practicing Random Acts of Kindness
There’s nothing like helping
someone else to take your mind off your own troubles. Do a favor for an elderly
neighbor. Call a friend you’ve been neglecting.
At the tollbooth, pay for the
car behind you. Or, when going through the fast food drive-thru, ask them to
apply a dollar to the order of the car behind you. Pop some change into an
expired parking meter.
You might be saying, “But
they’ll never know who helped them out.” That’s precisely the point. It’s not
about getting credit. It’s about the pure intention of giving.
Several years ago, I was
purchasing a fuzzy white teddy bear right before the holidays. At the checkout
counter, I overheard a clerk saying she wanted to get that same bear for her
daughter, but didn’t feel like she could spend the money. Something deep inside
urged me to turn around and go back into the store.
I ended up buying another
teddy bear and asked the cashier to take it over to that employee and tell her
it was from Santa. I hid behind some store dividers to see her expression, and
left with such a warm feeling.
She never knew the gift was
from me. And it didn’t matter. I just knew I was doing something to brighten
her daughter’s holiday. To this day, I never pick up that fuzzy teddy bear in
our spare bedroom without recalling that incident.
And that’s priceless!
Linda Arnold, M.A., M.B.A., is a syndicated columnist, psychological counselor and founder of a multistate marketing company. Reader comments are welcome at linda@lindaarnold.org or visit lindaarnold.org for information on her books.
