Arts & Entertainment
Life 101: Four words to stop any argument
Published
5 years agoon
Posted By
Outlaw PartnersBy Linda Arnold EBS CONTRIBUTOR
“You may be right.”
On their own, these four words don’t seem to be that powerful. However, when used in the heat of an argument, they can work wonders.
Case in point: You’re engaged in a heated argument, and your opponent’s attacking. As with martial arts, you can take the strength of the attack and deflect it.
I’ve seen this technique be successful over and over because it works immediately. And you don’t have to cave in, give up your principles or “roll over.” The statement doesn’t call for concessions. It merely interrupts the pattern of the attacker and proposes the theory that he or she may be right.
When a discussion reaches the argumentative stage, rationale goes out the window. It becomes more about winning the point. When the attacker hears he or she may be right, it takes the heat out of the moment.
You don’t even need to think about whether you’re winning or losing. These four words neutralize the situation. Just think of the countless conversations you hear every day, like the bickering couple in a restaurant. “It was Tuesday.” “No, it was Monday.” “No, it was Tuesday.”
By the time they get around to the story, it’s already lost its impact.
If you go out in public, it’s hard to get away from the mindless back-and-forth sparring. We hear it in lift lines, coffee shops and grocery checkouts.
And, to what end? Often, being right trumps everything. Winner takes all. What have you really won, though? A momentary victory, maybe, but at what cost? Any positive energy that existed earlier has been taken out of the equation, not to mention the toll this can take on a relationship over time.
Whenever you’re being attacked in a discussion, don’t attack back. This can be hard because our internal defense mechanisms automatically kick into gear. If you take the bait, you’ll only escalate the situation, and then it becomes a competition.
Practice listening and resist the urge to feed the fire. Over time—and with practice—this will come more naturally.
Stay focused on the other person and their feelings, not your own. Just don’t take ownership of anything they say. Here’s an example:
Your significant other comes home in a bad mood. He’s had a fight with his boss. He slams things around. You get upset. He gets upset that you’re upset. And the evening goes downhill from there.
The key is to remain calm. Sometimes the best thing to do is give the other person some space. After invoking the four words, you could go into another area of the house and give the situation time to cool down.
No doubt about it, this method takes a lot of practice and patience. While it may not seem fair, just keep your end goal and your sense of self-esteem intact. Don’t take it personally. It’s not about you; it’s about them.
Fortunately, in this living laboratory of life, we’re given lots of opportunities to practice.
The object is to defuse an argument so that a respectful discussion can take place at a later time. A calm discussion is the time to consider another person’s views, not when they’re red in the face and shouting at you.
Just carry your personal fire extinguisher with you and remember those four magic words: “You may be right.”
Linda Arnold, M.A., M.B.A., is a psychological counselor, wellness instructor and Founder of a multistate marketing company. For more information, visit lindaarnold.org. reader comments can be sent to linda@lindaarnold.org.
The Outlaw Partners is a creative marketing, media and events company based in Big Sky, Montana.
Upcoming Events
april, 2024
Event Type :
All
All
Arts
Education
Music
Other
Sports
Event Details
Children turning 5 on or before 9/10/2024:
more
Event Details
Children turning 5 on or before
9/10/2024: Kindergarten
enrollment for the 2024-2025 school year can be completed by following the
registration process now.
Children
born on or after September 11, 2019: 4K enrollment is now open for
families that have a 4-year-old they would like to enroll in our program for
the 2023-2024 school year. Please complete the 4K Interest Form to
express your interest. Completing this form does not guarantee enrollment into
the 4K program. Enrollment is capped at twenty 4-year-olds currently
residing within Big Sky School District boundary full time and will be
determined by birth date in calendar order of those born on or after September
11, 2018. Interest form closes on May 30th.
Enrollment now is critical for fall preparations. Thank you!
Time
February 26 (Monday) - April 21 (Sunday)
Event Details
Saturday, March 23rd 6:00-8:00pm We will combine the heart-opening powers of cacao with the transcendental powers of breathwork and sound. Together, these practices will give us the opportunity for a deep
more
Event Details
Saturday, March 23rd 6:00-8:00pm
Time
March 23 (Saturday) 6:00 pm - April 23 (Tuesday) 8:00 pm
Location
Santosha Wellness Center
169 Snowy Mountain Circle
Event Details
We all are familiar with using a limited palette, but do you use one? Do you know how to use a
more
Event Details
We all are familiar with using a limited palette, but do you use one? Do you know how to use a limited palette to create different color combinations? Are you tired of carrying around 15-20 different tubes when you paint plein air? Have you ever wanted to create a certain “mood” in a painting but failed? Do you create a lot of mud? Do you struggle to achieve color harmony? All these problems are addressed in John’s workbook in clear and concise language!
Based on the bestselling “Limited Palatte, Unlimited Color” workbook written by John Pototschnik, the workshop is run by Maggie Shane and Annie McCoy, accomplished landscape (acrylic) and plein air (oil) artists,exhibitors at the Big Sky Artists’ Studio & Gallery and members of the Big Sky Artists Collective.
Each student will receive a copy of “Limited Palette, Unlimited Color” to keep and take home to continue your limited palette journey. We will show you how to use the color wheel and mix your own clean mixtures to successfully create a mood for your paintings.
Each day, we will create a different limited palette color chart and paint a version of a simple landscape using John’s directives. You will then be able to go home and paint more schemes using the book for guidance.
Workshop is open to painters (oil or acrylic) of any level although students must have some basic knowledge of the medium he or she uses. Students will be provided the book ($92 value), color wheel, value scale and canvas papers to complete the daily exercises.
Sundays, April 14, 21 and 28, 2024
Noon until 6PM.
$170.
Time
14 (Sunday) 12:00 pm - 28 (Sunday) 6:00 pm
Event Details
Everyone is invited to join us in celebrating 2 years of arts education in the BASE Art Studio with us! Take a tour
Event Details
Everyone is invited to join us in celebrating 2 years of arts education in the BASE Art Studio with us! Take a tour of the studio, meet our instructors, and meet other artists of all levels in our community. We’ll be getting creative and you’ll have the chance to make your very own artful button pin.
Stick around for our Volunteer Appreciation and Social beginning at 6:30 p.m.!
Time
(Thursday) 5:30 pm - 6:30 pm
Location
BASE
285 Simkins Dr