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Dear Badger

Dear Badger – When is hugging appropriate?

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Dear Badger,
This town is small and I see my friends in all sorts of different settings. My problem is I’m not sure when it’s appropriate to hug them and when it’s not. What do you recommend?

Sincerely, The Hug Doctor

Dear Hugs,

Badgers are solitary creatures who look but are NOT particularly huggable, so I cannot relate. But I can give advice on the matter because badgers are wise in all areas because we observe everything and we’re smart, so here we are at hugs.

It might seem like a trivial question, but this is something I see ailing many humans. I will watch one warm and fuzzy (not like me fuzzy, but human fuzzy) human walk up to another seemingly nice human and greet them with a “hello” and a hug. The other human will hug right back and say nice things but I have also seem them bristle on occasion. Listen, I do not necessarily love this word bristle because companies use badger bristles to POWERFUL make shaving brushes and I don’t like seeing bits of an old buddy’s carcass used to slather shaving cream on some hairless man’s face. Anyway, it doesn’t always hit, the hug. The person being hugged might not like being touched, like me. But they’re not going to get mad at you for hugging them because even if you show a badger affection, they see it as a kindness right before they hiss and threaten to claw your eyes out. My friends, the grizzlies, are notorious huggers. Particularly the young ones. Hugs for days, those big old softies. I don’t think you, Doc, should hug a bear though. I think that might go south.

What if there were hugless greetings? Up top, where fewer badgers dwell, I’ve heard of creatures giving multiple kisses to the air when greeting one another. I don’t like that as much as a hug. Why kiss
the air? Why kiss the air on both cheeks? Please let me know if you hear anything different.

Doctor Hug, I think you should hug when the mood strikes. If you are happy to see someone and want to hug them, hug them. Otherwise a bubbly hello will suffice. Greeting someone with a hug is a gift, in my opinion. I have seen many solitary humans that go without hugs for weeks, sometimes months. What if the hug you give someone is just the thing they needed to make it through the day? Hug all the humans. You may have the occasional bristle. Again, do not hug the woodland creatures. We will bite, scratch, or maul you.

Sincerely, Badger

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